What did I do today?
After yesterday's interview, my knee going out and all the stress from that, running out of money, etc, I decided to sleep in for a bit. I didn't get out of bed 'till 7:30AM. For most that probably isn't sleeping in, for me it's getting major, major rest. I usually wake up around 4 or 4:30 in the morning. Seriously. The first thing that goes through my mind is all the fucking crap I've got to deal with: Mostly the bills. How am I going to deal with all the bills with no job, no benefits, no hope.
Most people have friends and family they can depend on. I'm not most people. I have social anxiety disorder and have had to deal with that for all of my adult life. Imagine having no father, mother, sisters, brothers, you're in a strange country and you don't speak the language or understand the customs. That's social anxiety disorder.
Because of fear of being misunderstood you tend to stay indoors, don't engage in the typical "Hey, let's all get together for beers Friday night." banter most people do. Or do most people? I get the impression from research that most people these days would prefer to while their time away alone and depressed than engage in meaningful social discourse. Certainly describes me.
I would really rather spend time with my cats than a sexy, nubile college co-ed. Less stress, more relaxing, and much more gratifying. Give love, get love. That's what I'm all about. What a sad commentary on society as a whole.
I've lived in this shared house for something like fifteen years now, gone through the stress of sociopaths and various other nutbags, and now, near the end, I have a Guatemalen refugee that is certain that former President Clinton sucks the blood from newborn babies and a young hispanic-american from LA who fancies himself the next Charles Bukowski with a complete and total lack of a narrative voice. I'm sorry, but what a friggin' goob. He also fancies himself something of an amatuer pyschiatrist as well . . . So, what would you think of someone who surrounds themselves with lower-class, mentally deficient individuals who is intimidated by those who are more well-read than he is? I would think it would indicate an inferiority complex, but then again, I'm not a professional. He thinks he is.
I'm not saying this to be mean or anything, but let's use an example here: Josh.
Josh used to live up here in the Seattle area, working in a bakery, behind the counter where he wouldn't offend 'the normals'. Yes, they kept him off in the back, hidden away from the public because Josh was, well a bit 'off'. Josh was simple-minded, just a bit above retarded. Dan kept Josh around like he was one of his best friends. Not because he felt pity for him, but because Josh was a useful foil. "Look at Josh, look at how dumb he is. Look at how smart I am." Same for Rita, a loud, brash obnoxious hispanic-american woman who is socially inept. Socially inept because she can't seem to understand that when she visits a home at 9:30, close to 10:00 PM that ringing the doorbell multiple times, announcing oneself loudly so everyone can hear for several blocks, yelling at someone a foot away somehow might be construed as 'inappropriate'.
I love the cheap rent, really I do, but is it worth it when you have to put up with people like this?
I don't have a bad home here, it's a 1920's former professor's residence, five bedrooms upstairs and a mother-in-law apartment below. All in all, pretty nice digs, kept up fairly okay, but only because I lean on everybody who lives here to clean up after themselves, day in and day out. Wash your dishes. Dry your dishes. Put away your dishes. Don't leave a wet sponge in the sink. Wring it out and put it in the rack. Wipe up the counter after you use it. Clean the bathroom. Clean the tub. Vacuum the floors. Am I their mother? I feel like it. The only thing missing is that I don't get to paddle their bottoms. I have to confess I wish I could. Not for the kink, just because they really, really need to get it through their thick heads that, *hey* there's some responsibility here when you live with others. Geez.
Anyway, I'm off, time to get to bed and get some much-needed rest. It's been a long day and I'm bushed.