Last week I posted a topic to the BBC forums on "No More Superpowers" I thought for sure I would be 'burned in effigy' by the brits, but in fact they were remarkably agreeable. This country has a long history of being the world's bully and trying the hide the information from it's population for quite some time, then when the info comes to light it's quickly dismissed as a 'conspiracy theory'. The rest of the world outside of the U.S. borders knows the terrible truth, convincing a nation of easily-led sheep is something else all together different.
I wonder if there's ever going to be positive resolution to this, some national waking-up where americans will realize how wrong and how evil their country is to the rest of the world. For many years I've seen a lot of arrogance and ignorance, but not much else. The american psyche is remarkable for it's refusal to accept reality, or even to research that reality to find out if it's valid. I find it astonishing that so many people can forget something like Iran-Contra ever happened. It seems that just that one issue would be enough to discredit the republican party forever. But *no*!!!! America sails along, lost without a clue as madmen lead the blind. . . What an appropriate description of the current situation.

Ton's O Time since I last logged in here, but hey, let's start it off right by raging about work: Why can't my customers just take a flying leap right out a multi-story structure? It's not *too* much to ask, they routed into my phone so that's a clear indication right away that they want much pain and suffering.
Well, it's getting close to New Years (tonite, in fact) and I will be once again staying home, away from the maddening drunken hoards. The last time I went out for New Years was with a friend of mine some years ago, then she got married and I tucked myself back into my little hovel, seldom to emerge, something like the troll under the bridge. "Raw Meat !!!!"
This morning I come into work as I usually do, sit out in my car in the parking lot while the rain beats down with a faint timpani beat as I eat my Jack in the Box Sourdough breakfast sandwich and then my Supreme Croissant as I read The Stranger. This is one of my simple joys in life, sitting in a car out in a parking lot before 4 AM on a weekday, eating a hot breakfast while reading my counterculture rag. Before The Stranger I just finished reading Douglas Coupland's 'Girlfriend in a Coma' and before that Rick Steve's 'Postcards From Europe'. Having finished eating my breakfast I wander into the building, always being sure in these ever-vigilant anti-terrorist times to prominently display my security badge to the same security guard, who carefully leans forward to examine it even though he's seen me a thousand times before, and even though only a security card badge like the one I wear is the only thing that will open the door. *Brother*. . . . I then proceed to the elevator and am able to get in and shut the door before someone else hops in to wish me an uncalled for cheery 'Good Morning' No thanks, I'll just be a Surly Bastard, thank you very much. Upon exiting the elevator I make my way to my cubicle, all done up with a planetary science motif, a couple of gliders and a Learjet. Dare to dream. . ..
After work this afternoon I will proceed to the fitness center where I will run around the gym with my overpriced fitness trainer and endeavor to turn my now flabby body into Abs of Steel !!! So far I've lost 20 + pounds in the last 3 months, but there is still much more to lose. I'm shooting for another 30 to 40 that I would like to loose off my once-lanky frame, since gone to pudge. I've noticed many changes since I started working out, * I Now Have A Chest !!!* I never thought I would have one of those, just another lonely A-Cup kinda guy out there, but I now have the rudimentary beginnings of full-on bitch tits! Whoo-Hoo world, watch out cause I will pinch you between my rippling man muscle !!! Yesterday I came in and worked out on a day I would usually just be sitting back and letting myself go to flab, but I want to accelerate the weight loss / muscle building process so I can look like a babe magnet at Wreck Beach. Now there's a little bit of Eden unto itself. Wreck Beach is just below the Anthropology Museum at the UBC campus and is one of the coolest (the only) nude beach I've ever been too. I remember the first time I went out there and dropped trou; at first I was a little bit self concious, but the exhibitionist in me would not be denied, and besides I didn't look half-bad back then. I was laying out there on the beach, no water, no suntan lotion, thinking to myself that I'm burning to a crisp and I should really put some clothes on and get into the shade, wishing *so* much that I had brought somethinng to drink with me when I turned and looked up the beach to see one of the most beautiful hippie women I've ever seen, walking straight towards me with a tray full of Mai-Tai's wearing nothing but a change purse. I felt as if I had a visitation from an angel. I waved her over, watching her nut-brown body swaying across the sand as she drew closer. As she knelt down to bestow my drink upon me I engaged her in meaningless conversation, hoping in the back of my mind that I might come up with something, anything to entice her to sharing a bed that night, but without success. And so I prolonged my first visit to Wreck Beach, watching all these beautiful women stroll by, letting it all hang out and being a prisoner of my then-unrealized social anxiety disorder. Oh, the pain!!! I came away from that day with the most complete and total sunburn I've ever experienced, but it was well worth it and I would gladly make the same sacrifice again (and someday *may again*!)
The last time I went out the Wreck Beach I was so out of shape (and shapeless) it was an effort just to walk *down* the stairs to say nothing of walking up. I went down there early and sat down on a driftwood log in front of a couple in sleeping bags. They got up shortly thereafter, shucked their clothes and while the boyfriend walked up the beach, the nubile and smoothly-muscled girlfriend stayed behind to entertain me with morning nude yoga exercises. One of the most entertaining guilty pleasures I've ever had.

Tonite I stay at home, just like all the other nights, except tonite I do something different, something I've wanted to do for many many years now. I write in my journal. I don't know why, but it's such a liberating experience for me, writing my words down and seeing them appear before me as I type. Other journals I've kept have been transcribed onto paper, something that disappears over time as it shrivels up and blows away. But here, perhaps my words will live forever.
I wonder if I'm doomed to end up like Anne Frank, hidden away up in somebody's attic, writing down my thoughts, hopes and dreams while the world goes mad around me. It certainly seems that way now. Ever since the Sept 11th terrorist (or was it?) attack, so many people out there fly flags in a naive display of patriotism. I turn away in disgust knowing what's been done in the name of that flag. I like the flag and what it originally stood for, but regarding what it stands for now, I am filled with nothing but disgust and revulsion. How could this happen that so many americans could be so easily misled? The answer: they're naught but 'sheeple', happily bleating as they're led off to slaughter. The most powerful country on the planet and it's ruled by greedy idiots and populated by stupid idiots. What irony. I hope that someday I will be able to move to a country where intelligence and wisdom are more than something to be despised and feared. I also hope that this country as it stands someday ends up as imperial Rome has. I believe that the U.S. certainly has it's Nero now. I just hope that when Rome burns, it's just the capitol and not the entire country. Perhaps then there will be some hope for this population to learn what it's been misled into, but also some humility as it realizes the crimes that have been commited and the scale of those crimes.
I hope instead that I'm able to escape from this country, perhaps to someplace like Germany, or perhaps even Austria or Czechoslovakia, in Prague. My, I can't believe all I've written here. For a first shot at a journal it's quite verbose.

Well, here we are, my first day of the rest of my life. Funny how the past year has gone, Last year around this time we were all going about our lives waiting for the end of yet another dreary, boring election and then Dickhead stole the presidency. Now the entire world is waiting for Armgeddon. Today liberal americans look over their shoulders, talk in hushed voices in public and generally acknowledge the fact that freedom and democracy are finally and inarguably dead. Dead, dead, dead. Lately I've been posting on the Pravda forum regarding the war in Afghanistan and the loss of freedom in the U.S. At first I felt like I was actually doing something, letting others out there around the world know that many americans really aren't a bunch of brain-dead self-involved shitheels. Now I wonder if the FBI is monitoring the site taking down names for the inevitable rounding up and exile to the American Gulag. So here I sit in my room, cat by my side, waiting to crawl into my lap after I finish typing and go back to my overanxious netsurfing, looking for more info on 'The War' and hoping against hope that freedom will return in this country. Not likely. Bush and his bunch have finally won this battle, but there is a war yet to be waged against the minds of people better educated and far better informed overseas, and that's something I hope they never win. I hope they don't even have a chance in a mild skirmish over there.
How could this happen, anyway? I thought there were supposed to be checks and balances in place to prevent something like this from happening. Our elected representatives and officials and offices were supposed to detect these kinds of things and arrest the evildoers. You would think that when things like Iran-Contra, the Savings and Loan fiasco, Reagen's mediocrity and feeble-mindedness and other things that are so fucking obvious they can't be denied occur that the perpetrators would be rounded up and at the very least put in jail forever and ever without any chance of parole. But nooooooooooo!!!!!! Instead, in this country the bad guys win. And win big. and because of this the rest of the world suffers for it. The rich and ignorant rule and the world suffers for it.
A couple of weeks ago I decided to finally do something about my weight problem, it's not awfully bad, but I wanted to do something about it nonetheless.
So I joined 24 hour Fitness. I also decided, against my better judgement to use the services of a fitness trainer there and so now I go in three times a week and workout with Shermont, a former UW Husky football guy. The past couple of times I've been there I've been giving him some good food for thought and I can see the mental gears clicking as he thinks over what I've said. I'm hoping that when I've finished with it all that I will not only gain back the body I used to have when I bicycled a lot, but perhaps something far better still. That is still up in the air, but we'll see what the outcome is at the end of December. I don't think I'm going to look like Arnold Schwartzwangler, but I should look noticeably better than I do now. I think the real motivating factor was when I saw my new driver's license photo that was taken recently, I think I was around 240 pounds and looking old and fat. Uggggghhhhhhh!!!! I mean, I know I'm 41 years old now, but it doesn't mean I have to look (and feel) like I'm fifty.